More than half of the people, I questioned about their experiences with the border, have some record in either breaking border regimen or illegally crossing the border. For some it was the Mongolian border, for others – internal European borders. One of my interlocutors was even trained for that in the army: "They taught us how to run away from dogs, how to cross the borderline. There are different techniques starting from how not to leave footprints to how to fly over the border, if there is a balloon available. If you are crossing the border on a balloon, you just need to catch the wind, nothing else. Or you can go on a helicopter, it will cross the border and drop you off – no parachute, no nothing" (V., male, born 1966). He never got to apply his skills where he was supposed to, on the Polish border. The Mongolian border, which he frequently crosses, does not require such skills. "People are not trained. New soldiers do not receive any instruction. I saw them. I talked to them. Someone new arrives, gets a submachine-gun, that's it. He might more or less be able to find his way on a plain, he can see footprints, but in the mountains there is no way he can find them. Dogs are not trained either... In the mountains there are totally different tracks. I can get into a river, I can walk in the river. That's it. There are only rivers there/.../ Once they chased us on a river – we just went up into the mountains. And for mountain-climbers, they can climb a flat wall and hide themselves in a cave and that's it".

For mountain-climbers border and its regimen are only annoying impediments, they just have to accept their presence in a space where they are trying to reach their goal, in their living space. Border has the same alien meaning in a living space of the natives. They move "back and forth" minding their own family and daily business, living in a world of clearly defined goals. Such world does not explain the meaning of the border, it is a line, drawn from another world. For V. its meaning is clear, it fits well into his set of personal values and can either win or not /"I saw in Lithuania..."/ the respect of others, in case of the Mongolian border. This disrespect for the border is a good enough cause to cross it. Some forbidden line, which is important as a part of one's existence, is crossed. When getting a chance to cross the border, one gets an opportunity for self-assurance. Increase of self-esteem is not caused by frontier guards, but is achieved due to weakness, unimportance of the borderline. One can describe V's relationship with the frontier by one phrase, said by 16-year-old S., which describes his illegal crossing, done pretty much in the same geographical area: "What kind of pleasure is it to legally cross the border?! You come closer, you move a foot, and it's passed, gone. You know, it's such a great feeling of happiness and satisfaction".

Yuri had different reasons for breaking the frontier regimen (born 1954). He wanted to go to Mongolia and had arranged a private invitation from an acquaintance, who lived not far from the lake Hubsugul. There is a frontier post on the way from Irkutsk to Hubsugul's village Mondy, but it deals only with cargo transportation. A year before that Yuri had tried to get through there on a bicycle – they would not let him through. By that time a visa was not required, but then he had to obtain it. "It also used to cost not less than 100 dollars then. In order to obtain visa and travel through Naushki, through Kyachta – one had to cross half of the country, half of Mongolia... And I was planning to walk. Obviously, I had no money".

Yuri's feelings were totally different from what younger border intruders were experiencing: "When I crossed the Munku-Sardyka mountain range and got on a foreign territory, I suddenly felt that it was a completely different country, although the landscape was the same. I really don't know why. I have got the feeling that it was a totally different state. I was also very scared of border guards – I had no experience then. I walked for a long time, fearing that some watchful natives would stop me".

After he had acquired experience in crossing the border, it became clear that on the way back there was the same motive of self-assurance as V. and S. used to have. "I took the same road back, but chose an easier way. I could have been almost seen from a frontier post. Moreover, I took a Mongolian with me. He was scared of crossing the border, because he had some deer skins with him. So there we were walking together almost in front of the very frontier post...

This would also appear as sell-assurance, but not childish and more stereoscopic. First, the border, which serves as a means of such sell-assurance, is something alien if not dangerous for the person, who is self-assured. Second, the border in this case is not a line, which is being crossed, but a space, where one exists before and after meeting with frontier guards and customs officers. This stereoscopic view is age-oriented. It is not the age, but the belonging to a certain generation that matters. Yuri's case is a generation model.

Another of Yuri's experience with the border is when he came back from Germany. At a frontier post in Kaliningrad region in 1997: "The way of asking questions makes you suspicious of yourself. There is nothing said directly, but all the words used, the way of saying these words seem like the border guards suspect you of all the possible sins. I thought there was nothing wrong with that...But when you speak and it seems like your words are falling into nowhere... They are not heard, and no matter what you say, it is as if you are excusing yourself".

Another experience: V. (same age as Yuri), who was first abroad and spent several months in Germany, left when Berlin Wall was still there and came back when it was already down. This is what he told upon his return:

A border is something, which needs to be overcome. Difficulties of its overcoming, described by people, do not result from smuggling and breaking off the customs regulations. For V. and Yuri such difficulty is breaking their idea of something reasonable, acceptable and fair by border regimen or frontier guards.

Other informants - either younger or older - do not always point out their experience of crossing the border one way or another as a separate episode of their overall story of a journey to a foreign country. Even when specifically asked about crossing the border, the answers often shift to the impressions from foreign life.

Informants of 40 or 50 year old often prove the opposite. For them impressions from a journey may form only as extension of border experience. They start by complaining that it is impossible to see the world, due to border crossing. Later on, when it was possible, border crossing itself appeared as an episode, defining the whole foreign experience, while the border was not actually psychologically crossed. It is clearly illustrated in V.'s story, who expands his personal evaluation of the border up to a national level:

"I was certainly afraid of the border as any Soviet citizen /.../ Up until the very border I was expecting that any moment someone will ask me "And where do you think you are going?". So he spent those four stressful hours in Brest, finally left the country, "expected nothing else", but actually he had the hardest time when he was going through the customs, leaving Germany, when the customs officer "almost wouldn't let him go". Victor became "another person" again: "scared, stressed out, willing only to finally get there. Doors of S-Bahn closed behind me and I decided to ask those people (workers, clerks, all kinds of different people) when I should get off to get to West Berlin. They said: "You are in West Berlin". I thought I didn't get it right, so I asked again: "At what stop should I get off to get to West Berlin?".

Relationship with the border is a part of the internal feeling, which makes a person dependent on the authority even when he is not directly connected with it. This dependence can show in a contrast understanding of "two worlds" – one, where you come from, and another, where you are free. It can also show in a constant waiting for authority control in this new "temporary world" as well.

The same thing happened to Yuri, after he went to Mongolia. His whole stay in Mongolia turned into waiting for the meeting with border guards, which he had earlier avoided. In Yuri's case, his illegal border crossing was inevitable, though not of a life importance, while in V.'s case it was an obstruction, that he had to overcome in order to break through to a new stage of his life.

Yuri affirms his independence of the border, taking up a challenge. V. distances himself from the border in his memories, where he and customs officers look as characters of a literary work. However, in both cases a border is definitely not a line, but a dimensional space, full of feelings and memories.

The differences in V's and Yuri's cases are generation-oriented. People of their age reveal similar feelings and actions in relation to the border.

Among these actions breaking of border regimen is the most characteristic one. Almost ten years have passed since the opening the USSR borders and creation of the Shengen zone. During that time many people have tried moving from one European country, to which they had to have visa in their passports, into another European country. Then the Shengen zone was formed, but there was not enough time to get used to its rules and regulations. In many cases, the first introduction to it was by the method of trial and error, often by border crossing. So in case of meeting with authority, one could figure out right away, whether it was rightful, or pretend that one had no idea about still-existing regulations. In any way, Switzerland was still not within Shengen zone, and it was still tempting to illegally cross the border. There was a number of informants, who could not resist this temptation. These people belong to the generation which we have already described as well as to a younger one. For younger people, though, it is usually a matter of "sport" or pragmatic attempts. For them visa regulation is just an annoying impediment. As for 40-50 year old informants, regimen breaking is some existential act, or at least it is accompanied by existential feelings. In both episodes described (going to France and to Switzerland) border crossing was on foot. Feelings, experienced in both cases, are still fresh in memory, despite the time passed.

This line is from V.'s story about his last return from Germany. He was driving a car, that he had bought after 5 years of work there. He didn't notice, that the insurance policy on the car was expired. However, Polish customs officer noticed that and fined him 100 marks. After that every single road inspection post stopped him and fined him another 100 marks. Belorussian road police lowered the price and fined him 10 marks, not for insurance, but for some other small violations, still very regularly. In both cases it is obvious, that Victor was "passed on" from one post to another. Neither polish, nor belorussian road police had anything to do with frontier administration, but Victor regards this accident as border following him. For him the border is hostile, absolutely not human.

Feelings towards the border are concentrated in responses to the following question: do we need borders and aren't they going to disappear? Our two main informants said the following:

V.: "I have always had special feelings towards the border. The border is a power of authority. There is even a specific saying in German - "frontier authority". The border is there, where authority absolutely gets out of control. Of course, one is afraid of it and one knows, that it is inevitable and one has to go through it. That's why every time when they let you go through, you are feeling relieved and grateful /.../. I am against borders. But I also understand their certain importance. Right now borders play an important role of protection against economic immigration, at least in the West. Economic immigration is the most wide-spread kind of immigration these days. It is not even criminal, terrorism being in the shadow now. People just keep on coming and coming...".

Yuri: "If one looks from a historical perspective, there are definitely reasons for borders. But they start losing their meaning. Borderlines start to disappear and that's logical. For me, the border is some kind of an obstruction".

This generation still perceives the border as some existential factor, as something alien, although there is a relative freedom of moving around in the world nowadays and the world is perceived differently. The border, its presence and its nature are quite rationalized, nevertheless irrational feelings (such as anxiety, feeling of humiliation, sometimes hostility) remain, although one would think that the change in personal rights and relationship with authority can help to get rid of such irrational feelings.

When talking about importance of the border, people of the "existential" generation distance themselves from it. But they can't distance themselves from authority. The border (not only in case of the Soviet experience) is a powerful reason for feeling one's dependence on authority, while there, on the border, it is hard to argue with someone, representing authority, to discuss his or her decisions, opinions, their way of talking to you and viewing you. We are talking here about the generation, who socialized and grew up in the times, when personal life was considered an indisputable value. It was indisputable for an individual, but secondary for an ideologically sanctioned system of values. A trip to another country, even for private reasons, was considered a matter of state. The border was a place, where two systems of values collided (systems of personal and official values). Incomparability of these two systems was as clear at the border, as it was clear at a personal trial. Another similar experience is meeting with any kind of guards, but in this case one can simply avoid it. The border is a meeting, which one undertakes in order to achieve one's personal freedom, one's autonomy and "privacy". So the range of existential feelings changes this alien, hostile line drawn on the map into space, which one does not simply cross, but unconsciously lets inside one's world, inside one's soul and memory. This range of feelings appears as a result of the meeting of a desire for personal autonomy and impossibility to achieve it. The feelings become personal, the border remains alien.

It is very interesting to compare such relations with the border and relations of people, for whom the border represents their childhood or youth. People who grew up on the border are nevertheless still dependent on it, whenever they end up living. They can also state (and some do) that the border is following them. But for the most part of "border children", which we got a chance to talk to, the border was and still remains a part of them, filling the space of their internal feelings, defining for the most part their lives. This is however the topic for another discussion.